SHINE

It's funny, I had been thinking the whole time that I would make this blog mostly about knitting. But to be honest, that isn't all I do, it doesn't define me. I haven't been blogging because but I don't love knitting so much that I can make a career in writing about it...or enough writing to maintain a blog. Plus, I need a place to shake out some life occasionally.

So let's start shaking, or shining as my post title says! I have had an amazing month. Ross came into the country and has been parenting for the first time in...well, forever. I've been on vacation and as nice as it has been, I am ready to have my real life back. I have a two big things on my mind this morning that seem to be keeping me from doing anything else other than thinking. Hopefully by getting it out there, putting some substance to the thoughts, I can move on later today.

Faith. One of my friends has a little saying on her wall, "Sometimes our only form of transportation is a leap of faith." I have taken so many leaps this year...leaving Ross being a biggie. Somehow I just knew it was going to be okay. I had faith. Now that the boys have started school, I am working on starting my own business to actually have a career other than "mom" for the first time in my life. I also have faith that somehow, it's just going to work out. I know it is what I am supposed to be doing. But there are still so many times when I find myself being completely self-serving rather than God-serving. Funny enough, in that area of my life, nothing seems to turn out the way I think it should or with the substance I desire. Being naturally stubborn, it makes me want to push and pull even harder and by all that is holy, that square peg is going to fit into that round hole whether it wants to or not.

I am not and have never been one to wear my faith or my religious beliefs on my sleeve. Why not? I always thought it was tacky, or infringing on someone else's rights to their own beliefs. I mean, we can't force people to believe something. We can scare them into it and we can raise them to sort of believe, and guilt works really, really well. But if it isn't in their hearts, and they don't walk with the faith of their beliefs, they don't truly believe.

But after thirty-one years of being raised in a strict Christian home, seeing Christians who turned me off to church for 15 years because they acknowledged God with their lips on Sunday but denied them by their lifestyle all other six days of the week, having lived and traveled the world, having come into contact with so many different religions and cultures and beliefs, I finally GET IT. I don't have to wear it on my sleeve, I don't have to go up to people and just invite them to church or start talking about Christ. We have to shine with His love. We have to live our lives for Him. If we don't saturate our daily lives in being God centered, we become easily distracted and forget that His absolute, unyielding love for us is the reason we are living, the purpose we are even here.

I have been on a few online dating website for the past several months. I have pictures of myself and of course a little profile, yet despite saying that I am Christian, I keep finding men who are drawn to me because I "shine". They quickly find out that that sparkly gleam in my eye and the flush in my cheeks isn't because I am divorced and needing to get laid. When the first date is over and I'm not ripping my clothes off begging for sex, I never hear from them again. Nice guys. Why do women (and I have been totally guilty of this) feel like their self-worth is wrapped up in a man and men wanting them? Our self-worth needs to be wrapped up in God and His love for us. We are beautiful and amazing and we are His creation. What are we saying about one of God's most amazing creations when we allow ourselves to be disrespected and violated by a man who has zero regard for our body, heart, soul or mind? Where is the regard for ourselves? I want to be valued and loved as God loves me. Not for a night, or a few months, but for a lifetime.

So back to shining! We do not need to advertise our religion or spout off rhetoric about Christ to get attention. We need to live our lives completely honoring to the mind blowing God who created us and profess His goodness through doing as He commands. Be kind to one another, love your enemies and "whether therefore we eat or drink or what so ever we do, do it all for the Glory of God." In this way, we have abundant opportunities for people to wonder aloud what it is about us and voila, there is your opportunity to acknowledge with your lips AND your life. So...shine.