At night, my body and mind come alive. It's as if I have this electronic dance music pulsing through my veins. My heart races, I get fidgety and can't seem to find enough to occupy my time. If I didn't have four kids sleeping in their beds, I would throw on some running clothes and shoes and just go. I feel like I could effortlessly dance the night away at a club, my body moving naturally to whatever rhythm flows from the DJ. I've been listening to a lot of R&B music lately because it seems to match the bass thumping rhythm of adrenaline coursing through me these days.
Instead, I break out the yoga mat and try to work it out with some serious ashtanga yoga...that means jumping instead of stepping up and back, constant flow, rolling from the floor to a standing position, physically and mentally challenging postures that require strength and focus. Could my heart rate get any higher? I swear some nights it's what I would imagine a cocaine trip would be like. It is as if I have partied out with Rockstar beverages all day long. The worst part is that nothing I can do here at home seems to calm me. I just keep going until I literally drop and force myself to sleep knowing that within 30 to 45 minutes later I will have Griffen bringing me a diaper and wipes from the drawer to be changed. Somehow, I continue to function.
I have tried several things to get my biorhythm on track, but honestly what I need is a BREAK. I have been through a ridiculous amount of stress this last year and have just been going and going and going...completely in survival mode. The boy's dad will be in the states at the end of August and will be here to take over for about a month. I think there is some anxiety over that...not his parenting but just the anxious excitement of being able to get away for more than two days by myself. Is that horrible? I'm not at all worried about the boys, I know they will be fine. I am so ready to get away and take care of just me for awhile. I was thinking of laying on a beach somewhere for a week and then who knows what after that. Mainly whatever I want to because that's the way I will be able to roll...awesome. So yeah, 27 days exactly until I am free and yes, I am counting down.
I guess that is one down side to having an ex-husband halfway across the world. We save on drama and crap because well, he's just not around. But that means far more parenting and constant responsibility on my part, getting a break only when he can manage to come here. I guess we will just cross those bridges as they come. In the meantime, Rihanna and I are going to rock out into the wee hours of the morning, working on our beach figure and cranking out some fantastic knitting!
Cheers!
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