"And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to bloom..." -Anais Nin

I haven't talked much, if at all about my divorce or the incidents leading up to it. Nor will I today. But my first post on The Burrow Knits was about a cardigan that I'd been in the process of knitting for Ross and had been indecisive on what to do with it. Up until last night, it has been sitting untouched, being shifted with other knitting supplies and projects and collecting dust. Some suggestions had been:


1. burn it.
2. throw it away
3. it's nearly done, just finish it and sell it. (which would have been about a $300 profit)
4. finish it, sell it and donate the proceeds to a woman's shelter
5. finish it and give it away

It was nearly done. All it needed were sleeves, which would have taken maybe two days to knit. For some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to want to do anything with it. Having already invested so much time and money into it, it felt wrong to throw it away or burn it. Yet, the memories and thoughts that overwhelmed me at times when having to see it weren't even close to being worthy of keeping it around. It was like that one last little bit of nasty burnt food on a baking dish that seems impossible to soak or scrape off.

Yesterday I was updating my Ravelry notebook and noticed the project was still listed as being  "in progress". Was it really in progress? I started it on February 4th. I am certain that I knit it for the next 10 days and never touched it again after Valentines Day. There were three catastrophic events that happened on that day which all solidified that my marriage was in fact, without a doubt, over. One for my boys, one for my marriage and one for my body, mind, heart, soul and self-respect. What else was I allowing to still be "in progress" by keeping this piece of material around? That night, I drank a bottle of champagne alone in our back garden, and silently celebrated the risk I was about to take in order to finally bloom.

"In these bodies we will live. In these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your life."
-Marcus Mumford